Who is _______________?

What does it mean to be Jason Keegstra. To be free and true and honest and ME. It is a bit of a mysterious question with a more mysterious answer. I am unsure of how to answer it and perhaps that is exactly the truth of who I truly am. Perhaps that is the truth of who we all are. Our society and culture beg us to define ourselves and give ourselves an identity because once we’ve done that we become predictable. People can decide if they “like” us and want to spend time and energy on us. We all have this need for security in our lives and people having some level of identity helps for us to receive that security we so desperately need from those around us. Think about the people you spend the most time around; by choice? Who are your closest friends and allies. Now answer the question of why they are your closest friends? Is it because you “know” who they are or at least who they are when they are around you? Maybe those people you spend the most time around are really much different when they are not with you. We all need consistency so that we can have predictability and therefore we can have some security.

So, you see that my difficulty in answer the question of ‘who is Jason Keegstra’ comes as a result of an unrealistic demand of the society around me; the society that demands that I have a strong and stable identity. It is a question that puts everyone is a precarious scenario. One that cannot be won because the question is being asked by someone who is demanding a confining answer from a human who is inherently unconfined. Humanity is not meant to be contained and label as one particular thing. We are creative creatures that are constantly looking for new ways to express ourselves so that we might learn and gain a better understanding of who we are and what we are about. So, don’t ask me who I am and expect me to have an answer that is going to appease your need for security. I don’t have that answer. If I manufacture an answer for you that helps you feel more secure then I am simply being untrue to myself and setting our relationship up for failure. If you want a human to provide you with consistency and security you are going to be disappointed because us humans are constantly changing, growing, evolving into something new in terms of ‘who we are.’

Run away from labels because they place you inside a box and make you believe that you are one way and one way only. You’re an introvert then don’t even think about going to a party with more than 5 people because that’s just not you! You’re an extrovert then don’t even think about locking yourself into a quiet room with only a pad and pen because that’s just not you. You’re an athlete then you certainly shouldn’t spend your down time with your mind in books because that’s just not you. These are all lies. Don’t get caught up in thinking you are one way and one way only. You can be whoever you feel compelled to be. Maybe you’ll decide to be the complete opposite of who you are right now and it will turn out to be an incredible failure, but that is a beautiful gift because it will allow you to become more self aware and self confident with who it is you truly want to become.

What’s the point of this stream of consciousness writing? Well, I guess the outcome is simply to proclaim that I am no longer interested in answering the question of ‘who is Jason Keegstra’ because when that question is being asked it is coming from a place that is requiring security and predictability. I have certainly come to realize that life is not full of those luxuries. More often than not life is completely unpredictable and insecure so why bother with trying to create an environment that is so completely at odds with the natural makeup of humanity and society?

I am going to live and journey with my wife be my side and I am going to expect that both of us are going to continue to grow and change and redefine who we are each and every day and I am going to cherish that process because, as far as I can tell, that is one of the greatest gifts that we are given in the human experience; growth.