Suffering is good

Since beginning to write again and share that writing with the public I have had some interesting conversations with people and some encouraging, as well as thought-provoking, words from those people. Several people have stated that I am ‘courageous’ for communicating the things that I have in my writings. I appreciate that compliment but I must admit that I was unsure of why they felt that way and chose that word to communicate how they felt about what I have been presenting. As I thought more and more about the purpose of my writing and from what place in my heart my writing is coming from I began to understand why people may identify it as ‘courageous.’

My writing is contemplative. Much of that is due to my natural tendency to be thoughtful. I am rarely jumping to conclusions or speaking before I have thought through what my response needs to be and why. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Slow to speak, quick to observe and analyse. I am always watching and thinking. Seeking to understand those around me and why people do the things they do. I am fascinated by the decisions that people make in their lives and my analysis of those decisions comes to inform my own decisions. As a result, my own decisions can often feel as though they are, in fact, not my own at all. I am so consumed by the bigger picture that I forget to simply live and react. I forget to be me. I believe my writing is a reflection of this personal understanding and it is a way for me to begin to reveal the truth about who I am and what I am questioning about who I am. I am revealing my personal challenges and I believe that is why people are calling my writing ‘courageous.’

If my writing is, indeed, courageous then I am fascinated by how uncourageous it feels. I write the content that I write for the sake of emptying my mind of my many thoughts but, more importantly, I write to share insights with others. I’ve come to realize that life is lived most fully in the suffering. When we suffer we are most vulnerable. When we suffer we are most unable to hide our true selves from anything and everything that is around us. Pain is pure emotion and it is when we are most needy. When we are in pain we need the support of others more than any other time in our lives. Because of that truth I share my thoughts and my writing.

When you have a particular need where do you go to address it? Some will choose to run away from it through any number of distractions: sex, drugs, alcohol, every type of fiction in order to avoid the pain just a little bit longer, but when you are ready to press into the pain in order to reveal the path to freedom you turn to those who have experienced the same pain as you are currently. That is why any unifying group exists. Support groups, biker gangs, Bible studies, young mother’s groups, victims of violent crimes support groups, the list goes on. Those groups exist because people need to be able to suffer together with others who have gone through the same pain. They can navigate the ‘absurd’ together. Suffering often does not require explanation but it certainly requires empathetic support. Someone to relate to and talk with. Someone to attempt to move forward with side by side. I believe this reality is one of the most beautiful truths about what it means to be human. Suffering is what binds us together. When we understand that we will all suffer throughout this journey of life that is when we can begin to experience freedom. When your suffering is no longer something to hide, rather, it is something to share that is when life really gets good. Your relationships deepen and your personal identity truly begins to take shape. Incredible transformation occurs when we suffer together.

So, is my writing ‘courageous?’ I don’t feel like it is but I certainly understand why people feel it is. I write because I want to suffer towards transformation instead of suffer towards self imprisonment. I write because I want others to feel that they are not alone in the challenges of everyday life. Life is full of suffering; don’t let that suffering isolate you. Instead suffer together. Share your suffering and I promise that you will have a life that is filled with deep and meaningful relationships and experiences.

Suffering is where real life occurs - when it is shared with others who want to be transformed.